baby comedienne

my baby niece was crying.

my brother: is she just joking or is she really crying?

diaper sack attack

my sister just changed my niece's diaper, and showed us the scented bags she uses to throw them away.

my brother: save these. i'm gonna start whipping people with them like "hey, you just got hit in the face with a diaper sack!"

ain't he a character?

my creepy neighbor was talking about how he has money saved for a burial plot.

my brother: i don't have a plot. the plot is the best part of the story.

pet tick

my sister thinks she found a tick on her 7 week old daughter (she didn't.)

my brother: i had a pet tick. he went everywhere with me, but i let him go the other day.

future employment

my brother: i'm trying to look into jobs that i already have the haircut for. so far i've narrowed it down to the military and the kkk.